from rihanna's new song only girl in the world
so as i alluded to earlier. my day was very emotional. it was my last day at drug mart and i didn't think it was going to be all that hard of a day. but it was very hard to say goodbye to everyone. i've been with some of these people for almost 3 years and i've gotten close to a lot of the stock boys. i've watched a lot of them grow up from when they were hired when they were 16 and 17 years old until now. i've met and made some very good, close friends there. and it was hard saying that i didn't know when the next time i'd see them would be. i cried on the way home. i'll admit it.
when i was at work i got a phone call from my ex. the recent one. he called me crying because he didn't know who else to call. his grandma is dying from stage 4 ovarian cancer. that in and of itself makes me sad because i really like his grandma. but as he's talking he's telling me how he spent the whole day at the hospital and he doesn't know when the next time he'll go back to work is. that made me really angry. i understand that this is his grandma and all. but i was his girlfriend. his girlfriend of over 6 years. and he couldn't bother to take off for me when i had to get my biopsy. he never put as his facebook status to pray for me as i was going through a very difficult time. i was a faker. i was never worthy of his time. and yes even though we are broken up it still hurts to know that i wasn't good enough per se. i just hope i can find someone eventually who will love me enough to take off from work when i need him to. to post about me on facebook. to jump up and down on a couch tom cruise style and just be so happy that we are together.
i left out the best part of the phone call though. as i was getting off the call he was like love you. and i didn't say anything back. just said k bye. and hung up. then he called right back. he said i don't really. love you i mean. i just didn't know who else to call. and then he hung up. and that hurt. i don't want him to love me. because even though a part of me may still love him. i'm ready to move on. i don't need that bullshit anymore. that much is for sure. and i don't love him like i used to any more. now its just love like an old love. not that i love you want to spend my life with you love. but how rude can u get. i just took a cell phone call in the middle of work for you. and you have to call me back and tell me that. and yes i'm angry. so i cried. i went to the bathroom and cried. not because i was sad. more because i was angry at the realization that he thinks that i'm at his disposal. that he can do or say anything and i will just take it. i wanted to jump up and down and scream. but i couldn't. i just washed my face and went back to work.
i told my boss about it and he thought it was hysterical. he did ask me what i felt though. and i told him that i felt like i wanted to kick him in the balls. and my boss said good that's what you should be feeling. and my friend jess told me no pity sex. which was the last thing on my mind. but i guess it was good of her to remind me that i was still desirable. because i havent' felt that in a while.
i'm going to toledo saturday night to spent time with an ex. one that i hope to rekindle a relationship with. we'll see what happens. but i'm excited and nervous. the good kind of nervous. not the kind of nervous that he'll think i'm a psychopath. the kind of nervous that you get before a first date. the kin
