maybe i'm crazy maybe its too late

wow.  all i can say is wow.  after the night i had last night at kim's and the day i've had today i feel raw, open and bleeding.  i can only hope and pray that the things i said last night are not forgotten but also are not repeated.  i had such an emotional time.  i've never told anyone any of those things but its true.  i pretended for years to be something i wasn't and now i'm paying the price.  contrary to previous beliefs he was my first and i had hoped my only.  but whatever, life happens.  and maybe one day, maybe soon i'll get to experience that feeling.  that feeling of falling in love again.  that feeling of completely and utterly trusting someone with my whole life and heart.  maybe i'll save myself again.  or maybe not.  maybe its just too late for me to get that feeling.  i'm 24 and i feel like my life is over.  what is wrong with me.  i just hope to be done with him and his controlling ways.  i love the life i'm living right now.  but it still feels incomplete.  i just need someone to share it with.  someone who listens and loves and cares.  more than just a friend. 
don't get me wrong this life that i'm living right now is nearly perfect and its going to get more perfect as time goes on.  but sometimes i think i'm too late for things.  at 24 i had all these expecatations that i had for myself.  my own little box to step into by the time i was 25.  and i still can i think..  if only i could fit into the box. 
i'm trying a new program tomorrow we'll see if i drink the kool aid  or if its just not right for me.  i'm hoping its another good thing to drink the koolaid for.  one can never have enough unconditional support.  even though i have the unconditional support of my friends. sometimes more unconditional support is needed.  and i can't get enough of it right now. 
i have an interview tomorrow.  a big interview.  so think of me and hopefully i'll have a new job.  one that i like a little bit more.