so yesterday was an awesome day. i spent time with good friends and went to a meeting for overeaters anonymous and went to the psychologists office and got a compliment for once. but i think i did something stupid. i don't regret what i did but if i could go back and undo it i might. i just might keep my feelings to myself and leave them where i usually keep them bottled up inside.
i've gotten the feelings for a long time that i still have feelings for my exboyfriend. but i never realized just how strong they were until yesterday. we were talking at the bar and it just hit me how much i miss him and need him in my life. and if that is just as a friend so be it but do i want to be something more. the somthing that we used to be. the something that we still could be. the answer to that is yes, yes, yes. but how do you tell someone that with out scaring them away?? how do you do this without risking breaking your heart deeper than it is already broken???
i'm proud of myself for what i did. but i still haven't heard back from him and that worries me. maybe he's just thinking about it. but maybe he's just ignoring it. it makes me anxious.
how do i know if i did the right thing. or if it was just one more mistake.
how do i know what i did feels right? i know that when i think of him or think of hearing his voice i get the butterflies in my stomach. the good ones like the ones you get on a roller coaster where you're kinda scared but you know you don't want to get off the ride yet. i think i did the right thing. it feels right. but i can't chase away the doubt. i just want to know the answer no matter what it is. i need to let go and let God. and that's where i struggle. i guess its a control thing.
just keep thinking of me and know i will let you know when i have an answer. maybe i'll even find a happy title for once.
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